Me

“Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.” ― Maya Angelou

For nearly a year, I have spent most of my Wednesday evenings cradling a warm cup of mint tea, with a small group of women who love big talk.

We sit in chairs in a circle, our feet propped up on yoga blocks, in a room lit by candles welcoming the soft chime from a sound bowl. It’s the signal to breathe, and as we begin to inhale and exhale, the stress melts away. I walk in those doors thirsty and walk out fully replenished.

While our mouths are closed, our hearts are wide open. We leave judgement at the door, preferring to enter with discernment and bravery, lighting up an inclusive space for everyone to share their thoughts. We are women with children and women without. Women with spouses. Women without. Women who work, women who stay home. Our paths are all different but very much the same because every week, we arrive at the same space.

We crave authenticity and connection, and we are all trying to find the piece of ourselves that we didn’t even know we left behind in a world that asks us to be the best at everything, tugging us in a million different directions and then criticizing us for complaining about it.

It’s a spiritual group but not a religious one and that distinction is important to me. I have not yet found a church to call home, but I have a deep spiritual compass that leads me exactly where I need to go. And this group makes me feel abundant and alive and seen.

On a cold Wednesday in January, we spent the hour journaling about 2024 and what we were excited about in 2025, prompted by questions from one of our two leaders. When we got to the question about what we were grateful for, I didn’t hesitate. I practice gratitude every day — when I wake up and right before I go to sleep. It’s the antidote to the negativity bias I wake up with and it helps me find joy in the little moments in my life instead of being pissed off about everything going wrong. Gratitude keeps my middle finger safely tucked between all the other fingers.

That night, I started to write: family, friends, a safe home, our health, dogs, taking chances, warm sheets, puzzles, etc.

And after writing 17 things down, I wrote number 18: Me.

As I sat there staring at those two letters that somehow ended up at the bottom of my list, I had this very vivid thought about the actress Niecy Nash-Betts’ 2024 Emmy’s speech, when after thanking her producers, directors, her partner, she thanked herself.

She said, “I wanna to thank me. For believing in me and doing what they said I couldn’t do.”

I shared this thought with the group about Niecy’s speech and then shared that I listed myself, last. And the 10 other women in the group sheepishly admitted that, they, too, listed “Me” in their gratitude list in their journals and then we all kind of looked at each other and wondered why it’s so hard to even say that.

And then the bravery and discernment started to flow as a woman who a few minutes earlier shared a vulnerable story about her 2.0 self starting to emerge in a way that was beautiful and scary and unknown and all of the things that happen when we look in the mirror after years of doing all of the things for all of the people in our lives but putting our own needs on a shelf until they collect so much dust, we don’t even know what we wanted to begin with, said what we were all thinking.

“Why can’t we just say we are thankful for ourselves? We all put it on these lists but we don’t even want to admit that we say it? Why?”

And that one beautiful and hard and insightful question stayed with me for the rest of the week and into the weekend until Sunday morning when I decided to write this piece.

So why is it so hard to be thankful for ourselves? Because women are taught to be small. The world teaches us that our strength should come from propping others up, being the silent warriors who know we are doing the hard work but don’t need to be recognized for doing the hard work. We can hold others up just as much as we can hold ourselves up. Those two things can exist at the same time. But we should all speak up like Niecy did on that stage in front of millions. Because the more we, as women, speak up and tell the world that we are proud and thankful for ourselves, the more we give others the permission to do the same.

If you’re reading this, grab a piece of paper and something to write with and start a gratitude list. The only rule of that list is that you have to list yourself first. You can put as many things on that list as you want, but you have to be first. Your cup has to be filled. Your oxygen mask needs to be securely fastened. You have to love you before you can love or do anything else for anyone else.

One of the things I wrote on my gratitude list that Wednesday was “Soul Circle.” It’s the official name of this Wednesday group of women and my appreciation constantly and consistently flows for them, because every week, they teach me that I’m enough and they’re enough and we are all enough, exactly as we are.

January 12, 2025