Breathe

I received this text from a friend yesterday morning:

“I have my moments when I feel the sorrow that is flooding the earth. That feeling takes my breath away…never in my life would I have thought I would experience something like this.”

And I felt her pain. And then one word popped into my head.

Breathe.

That’s one of the many mantras that cycle through my brain every day.

Breathe in....smell the coffee....breathe out...cool the coffee. Repeat.

There’s no need to talk about how bad this all feels. It’s bad. The 24-hour news cycles through all of our fears – schools frozen in time, people losing their jobs, the economy in shambles, our healthcare system over taxed and under supplied.

Our playgrounds are cordoned off with yellow tape like crime scenes. Our essential workers are putting themselves at risk every day to keep a small portion of our lives running seamlessly.

A month ago, I was at a Mardi Gras parade, catching beads with my family, when a float rider squirted champagne from a water gun into my mouth. Yesterday I passed a woman driving her car, wearing blue latex gloves and a homemade cloth face mask.

The paradigm has shifted.

I talk to my kids a lot about the circle of control. They learned this from their counselor at school. And it’s a simple lesson. Draw a big giant circle in the air with your finger and step back. That’s the world right now. Now hold your left hand out so your palm is facing up and draw a tiny circle with your right finger in the palm of your hand, that’s your circle of control. That’s what we all have control over. Our behavior. Our reactions. Our choices. Our time.

Breathing.

That’s a hard lesson for me to digest. I like to be in control. I like to do. My days are normally filled with "To Do" lists. Blocks of time dedicated to specific tasks. If it’s a slow day and self-care is on my agenda, sometimes I write down “Meditate for 20 minutes.” Sometimes. But not often. But this freezing of time is not about doing. We are being asked to do less. To stay home. To work in place.

Maybe this is the time to learn about being. I have seen so many more people outside walking and riding their bikes. Kids are climbing trees, playing catch, lying on their front yards staring at the clouds. Dingy and dirty fences are filled with bright chalk drawings. Birds are singing. Spring is still springing.

Our nation has shifted into a country that values the elderly more than we ever have. Social distancing has created more connectivity. Maybe hugs are rare right now, but we are reaching out and utilizing social media the way it should be used. To check on people. To stay connected. With so many parents at home working, maybe a generation of helicoptered kids will learn more self-sufficiency. Maybe they will finally learn to be bored. To sit in their boredom and let their imaginations take over.

There is so much that we don’t have control over right now but in the palm of our hands, we have a choice.

And I choose to breathe.

March 25, 2020